Funny Hunting Jokes

 funny hunting moose policeman picture - He was about five ten, wearing a camo shirt and one of those funny Elmer Fudd type hats.  He pointed the gun right at me!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
 The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
 There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

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A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario. He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.
The next week he returns, and sure enough the hunters have bagged two moose. The pilot tells them there’s no way they can take off with the two moose.
Ted says, “I don’t know, the pilot last year took off with two moose.”
To which Bob adds, “Yeah, but maybe he wasn’t a total pussy!”
Not wanting to be outdone, the pilot loads up everything and they start to move down the lake.
The plane is gathering speed, but the pines on the shore are rapidly approaching. Finally the plane gets airborne, but one wing clips the top of a tree. The plane spins, crashes into the trees, and breaks apart.
Sometime later Ted regains consciousness and begins searching for his buddy. He finds him, and when he wakes him up Bob asks, “Do you have any idea where we are?”
Ted replies, “I think about 200 yards further than last year.”

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A man is out hunting in the woods when he shoots a massive duck. The duck falls into a field owned by a local farmer. The farmer retrieves the duck but refuses to hand over the duck saying "Around here we have a little game to solve problems like this. Each person gets to kick the other is the crotch as hard as possible; the person who makes the least noise wins. Since the duck fell on my land I get to go first."
The hunter eager to get his prize duck, accepts. The farmer proceeds to kick him with all of his might. The hunter collapses on the ground in agony but manages not to utter the tiniest whimper. After recovering he approaches the farmer and says "Now it's my turn, let's see if you can beat that!"
To which the farmer replies "Nah it's okay you can have the duck."

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An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful naked women sprawled out across a bed of leaves. "My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.

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The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead." "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

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Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.



 
Funny hunting jokes




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