The best of the internet

Favourite One Liners

Favourite One Liners Jokes Picture

What do you call a fish with two black eyes? Nothing. I already told him twice.

 Do you ever get that when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was?"

 How can two women play Monopoly at the same time when there is only one Iron?

 Two fish in a tank. Says one to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

 If at first you don't succeed - well, maybe skydiving just wasn't your sport.

 What action did you do today for sustainability? - I stayed at home.

 We can't all be rich, stupid. Think about it.

 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.

Favourite One Liners Jokes

You may like

Featured Joke

Paddy and Mary are having some issues in the bedroom department so they go visit the doctor to see if he can help them out. Mary tells the doctor that no matter what, she can never reach her special place when they make love.

The doctor examines them both and says “I can’t find anything obviously wrong with either of you. But Mary, I think you might be overheating in the act. I suggest you purchase a fan and use that when you go to bed.”

Paddy, being a careful sort, doesn’t want to splash out on a new fan so he rings his best pal Tommy and asks Tommy if he’ll flap a towel over Paddy and Mary as they make love. That evening Tommy comes round and waves a towel over the couple as they go at it. Two hours later, there’s still no difference, Mary is still unsatisfied.

“Paddy, I tell you what,” suggests Mary, “Why don’t you swap places with Tommy? You can flap the towel and Tommy and I can try the love making.”

Desperate, Paddy agrees. Within 5 minutes of Mary and Tommy making vigorous love Mary reaches a thunderous climax, and then again. And then again. Finally after an hour they both collapse on the bed, exhausted.”

“Now that, Tommy”, Paddy announces triumphantly, “is how you flap a bloody towel!”
Scroll To Top