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Wire Brush and Dettol Joke

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The Queen goes to visit some war wounded in hospital. Three sorry looking men languish in their beds. The officer accompanying her directs her to the first man.

"What's he in here for?" asks the queen.

"Hemmorhoids Ma'am!" the officer roars.

"Oh, that's awful. What's the treatment?"

"Wire brush and dettol Ma'am!" the officer bellows.

"Oh, that must be painful!"

She questions the wincing soldier.

"If you had one wish, what would that be?"

"To return to the front and fight for my country Ma'am!" he shouts.

"And what about this chap?" she asks the officer, who leads her to the second wounded man.

"Gonhorea Ma'am!"

"And what's his treatment?"

"Wire brush and dettol Ma'am!"

"Oh how nasty... poor man's willy must be in tatters! If you had one wish, what would that be?"

"To return to the front and fight for my country Ma'am!" the soldier yells.

The officer leads her on to the last soldier, explaining that he suffers from tonsillitis.

"Oh, how horrible. And if you had one wish young man, what would that be?" she asks.

In a hoarse whisper, he replies, "To get the wire brush and dettol before those filthy b******s!"

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Paddy and Mary are having some issues in the bedroom department so they go visit the doctor to see if he can help them out. Mary tells the doctor that no matter what, she can never reach her special place when they make love.

The doctor examines them both and says “I can’t find anything obviously wrong with either of you. But Mary, I think you might be overheating in the act. I suggest you purchase a fan and use that when you go to bed.”

Paddy, being a careful sort, doesn’t want to splash out on a new fan so he rings his best pal Tommy and asks Tommy if he’ll flap a towel over Paddy and Mary as they make love. That evening Tommy comes round and waves a towel over the couple as they go at it. Two hours later, there’s still no difference, Mary is still unsatisfied.

“Paddy, I tell you what,” suggests Mary, “Why don’t you swap places with Tommy? You can flap the towel and Tommy and I can try the love making.”

Desperate, Paddy agrees. Within 5 minutes of Mary and Tommy making vigorous love Mary reaches a thunderous climax, and then again. And then again. Finally after an hour they both collapse on the bed, exhausted.”

“Now that, Tommy”, Paddy announces triumphantly, “is how you flap a bloody towel!”
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