Funny World's Funniest One-liners

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
 World's Funniest One-liner jokes

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.

Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think one of them would've seen it.

A fish swims into a wall, and says, "Damn!"

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?  Dr. Dre

What do you call a sheep with no legs?  A cloud.


What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idear.

What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
It's a tough job, but hay it's in his jeans.

What do quantum whales eat? Planckton.

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

Velcro. What a ripoff!


I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.

The bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers here." A time traveler walks into a bar.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila



What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man.

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other; "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

How do you turn a duck in to a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Whithers.

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.

So a seal walks into a club...

Two peanuts were walking down an alley at night. One was a salted.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

The first sign of senility is loss of memory. I forget the other two.



I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff, ba dum tsh.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Conjunctivitis.com... now that's a site for sore eyes.


What's brown and sits on a piano stool? Beethoven's last movement.

What's the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

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