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Forty-five Years Of Misery

Funny old man divorce joke picture
 Funny old man divorce joke

"Hey, son. I'm just phoning to say that your mother and I are finally getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"What are you talking about?" asked his son.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” said the old man. "I'm sick of her face, and I don't really want to talk about it, OK?  Please just call your sister and tell her." He hung up the phone.

Two minutes later the phone rang.  He picked it up.  "Hello?"

"Dad! Don't do anything," said his son.  "I spoke to Jane and we are going to fly over tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file anything, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

The man agreed and put the phone down.  He then turned to his wife and said, "Good news.  They’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfare."

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Paddy and Mary are having some issues in the bedroom department so they go visit the doctor to see if he can help them out. Mary tells the doctor that no matter what, she can never reach her special place when they make love.

The doctor examines them both and says “I can’t find anything obviously wrong with either of you. But Mary, I think you might be overheating in the act. I suggest you purchase a fan and use that when you go to bed.”

Paddy, being a careful sort, doesn’t want to splash out on a new fan so he rings his best pal Tommy and asks Tommy if he’ll flap a towel over Paddy and Mary as they make love. That evening Tommy comes round and waves a towel over the couple as they go at it. Two hours later, there’s still no difference, Mary is still unsatisfied.

“Paddy, I tell you what,” suggests Mary, “Why don’t you swap places with Tommy? You can flap the towel and Tommy and I can try the love making.”

Desperate, Paddy agrees. Within 5 minutes of Mary and Tommy making vigorous love Mary reaches a thunderous climax, and then again. And then again. Finally after an hour they both collapse on the bed, exhausted.”

“Now that, Tommy”, Paddy announces triumphantly, “is how you flap a bloody towel!”
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