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The River Joke

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It was the Sunday after St Patrick's day in the small West Ireland village church, and the pastor cast an angry eye over his hungover congregation.

"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"

The congregation murmured restlessly.

"And if I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river too!"

The congregation looked downcast, filled with guilt.

"And if I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"

The church was now completely silent.

"Right, I tink we'll sing hymn now.  Padraig?"

The musical conductor of the church stood up, cleared his throat and announced, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, 'Shall We Gather at the River?' "

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Paddy and Mary are having some issues in the bedroom department so they go visit the doctor to see if he can help them out. Mary tells the doctor that no matter what, she can never reach her special place when they make love.

The doctor examines them both and says “I can’t find anything obviously wrong with either of you. But Mary, I think you might be overheating in the act. I suggest you purchase a fan and use that when you go to bed.”

Paddy, being a careful sort, doesn’t want to splash out on a new fan so he rings his best pal Tommy and asks Tommy if he’ll flap a towel over Paddy and Mary as they make love. That evening Tommy comes round and waves a towel over the couple as they go at it. Two hours later, there’s still no difference, Mary is still unsatisfied.

“Paddy, I tell you what,” suggests Mary, “Why don’t you swap places with Tommy? You can flap the towel and Tommy and I can try the love making.”

Desperate, Paddy agrees. Within 5 minutes of Mary and Tommy making vigorous love Mary reaches a thunderous climax, and then again. And then again. Finally after an hour they both collapse on the bed, exhausted.”

“Now that, Tommy”, Paddy announces triumphantly, “is how you flap a bloody towel!”
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