Funny Favourite Reddit One-Liners

Elokwins Reddit Snoovatar Picture

  • I have a few jokes about my unemployed friends, but unfortunately, none of them works.
  • I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  • When you dream in colour, is it a pigment of your imagination?
  • Work at a funeral parlour is a serious undertaking.
  • Someone ripped some pages out of both ends of my dictionary today and now it just goes from bad to worse.
  • Much like a guillotine operator, I'm just trying to get a head in life.
  • You know whats really awesome punctuation
  • Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job, they should take a bough.
  • I don't trust people that do acupuncture because they're back stabbers. 
  • My idea of resistance training is refusing to go to the gym.
  • I thought thermostat wars were a given in relationships until I met this really hot woman.
  • It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.
  • In order to build a rope factory, first you have to pull a few strings.
  • A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas -- those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  • Pancake Day really creped up on us this year!
  • At last, I found out the last digit of Pi, it's i!
  • Are doughnuts made out of hole wheat?
  • I haven’t owned a watch in who knows how long.
  • I built an electric fence around my property yesterday and my neighbour is dead against it.
  • I used to be a narcissist but look at me now.
  • My new diet is wearing me thin.
  • I went to the store to buy some soup but they were out of stock.
  • I was such a fat baby that instead of a stork, I was delivered by a crane.
  • If anyone needs to go to the toilet, speak now or forever hold your piss.
  • When I asked a taxidermist what she did for a living, she replied with "You know, stuff."
  • I'm so ugly that onions cry when I cut them.
  • Rest assured, ‪I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia.
  • Today is the day I start being decisive. Or is it?
  • I stay up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia

(source: Reddit)
Scroll To Top